The one and only

This is so cool, after seeing a psychic I realized that I needed to pay more attention to order and precision, timing and patience. Things like etiquette and patience are things I learned through working at Blue Note, but things like timeliness and order were things that I have always avoided. Like one of my friends, I may not be the kind of person who would stubbornly walk slower or stop completely when told to hurry up, but rather I ignore the demand for haste and go at my own leisurely pace. In Japanese, this kind of person is called “My Pace”. Even though I knew the word and was often labeled as such in previous years, I didn’t understand the implication of this until I started working here. I still am the type of person who takes PLENTY of time to stop and smell the roses – or poke at planarians and save snails crossing the road.

But recently I am finding myself learning to appreciate these important things. We wouldn’t have music if it weren’t for order. Time signatures, keys, cleffs, tempos, measures and beats and lines and dividing up the notes between them. Composition is how order and time and precision fits with things like music and art.

Awkwardly enough, this attention to order and precision is coming along with two other things: my learning to accept myself as a woman and embrace all that comes with it, emotions, patience, attentiveness, beauty, nurturing, etc., and my paying attention to my spiritual self more and taking time to heal and meditate every day if I can.

There is an archangel that is specific to this whole area of existence – called Metatron. Think sacred geometry and order, holding the universe in place like the strings on a mobile, the lines on sheet music. With his help, I should be able to sail smoothly through this job and through to the next one as well.

Coincidentally, lately I have been having new spiritual experiences to go along with all of these new realizations. One in a while I will have a sudden loud ringing in my right ear that is so loud and clear that I actually think other people can hear it for a while (it scared the crap out of me!). Also, Mimu has been seeing little orbs behind me and to my right, and I hear chirping or ringing in that ear at other times too. Today as well I have been hearing Japanese much more clearly around me and feeling clear and composed all day at work despite having gotten only 4 hours of sleep last night.

Also I have been drinking Healthya and walking A LOT every day, losing weight, and spending some time out meditating on the balcony or the roof of our new house, so it all adds up man!

But yeah, something really interesting is happening and I definitely like it.

It would be really funny if I have already posted this somewhere in my LJ XD
Too bad I forgot the password to honyakuno_hime my translation LJ account.


( 光環(コロナ) - アリス九號. )
----------------------------------

( koukan(KORONA) - Alicenine. )
---------------------------------------------

Corona - Alicenine.
Lyrics: Shou Music: Alicenine.
Translation: me (Jessica Rains)

unbearable 　the midst of war 　life 　shall now drawn the curtain
Love 　binds people 　The heavens 　without loving people

The world 　is troubled and its pace has been disturbed
The universe 　will not bestow on me 　a breath　 in its deep blueness

Someday 　meeting with you 　Even if my dreams 　close the curtain
Because I want you to be the light 　that gently wraps 　around me

Consciousness 　beyond the horizon 　Words 　toward where you are
With this useless 　weak voice 　so someone 　can help

When I am embraced 　in the middle of the light
I want to be melting 　forever 　and let my heart release from my body

I vow to you 　that I will never 　ever, go far away
Even if we were to let go　 of our hands 　I will go anywhere to bring them together

I found kindess 　in the outline　 of the world.

The sounds 　that I played out　 in the middle of the light
I give to you　 who I loved　 who would always be at my side
The dreams 　The past 　And the days gone by 　The rain 　The clouds 　And the rainbow afterwards

Love 　binds people 　The heavens 　without loving people
Intolerable　the whirlpool of emotions 　Life　has now drawn　the curtain.

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100238968&gt1=31009

Lately I have been feeling more irritable and so is Mimu, I think we're starting to really feel the effects of overworking and it's affecting out moods in places that we can't really control. He got mad at me for suggesting going out of an exit that was closer to us than the one we were headed to in the grocery store. What's wrong with that? After discussing it he said that he's really just pissed that he has to meet with this one guy about work on a Sunday when he works all frickin' day all week long. I've been feeling really irritable too lately. Mostly at Japanese people who speak English to me - actually, that's nothing out of the ordinary. I tried to explain it to Mimu though, and he wouldn't get it, and we were both being really irritated with each other on that subject.

He thought it was stupid for me to be irritated by the guy who decided that he needed to speak English to me because I was white, as if there is no possibility that I, as a white girl, could speak Japanese. He didn't even ask or show any signs that he was confused and just wasn't sure. Nope, he just blatantly asked me if a needed a bag in English. Mimu thinks he was just trying ot be helpful.

Anyone remember hearing about that when they were younger? Like, when old people go to restaurants or something and the waiters go right up to them and bend down and speak really loudly and clearly because to them, all old people are either senile or hard of hearing and you have to scream at them in order for them to understand. The old person is insulted because she CAN hear and is NOT senile, and on top of that was just yelled at by an ignorant person who is discriminating her just for being old.

In the same sense, I get English-ed at because I'm white and there is no way I could speak Japanese. Even if that is not what they are thinking, and they are just trying to help, it is still wrong thinking based on old discriminatory ideas. Just because it's Japan therefore not many white people live there, doesn't make it any different. It's still insulting to my effort and intelligence, and singles me out as "different".

GRR ok and rant rant my job rant rant!!! Looking for a new one AGAIN.

Gotta go v_v No internet at home, home is awesome, no pictures yet, busy weekend, blah

la, la~
 

Hey guys

I just thought this article was kinda funny and unnecessarily scientific.

Like having an eye twitch is SUPER SERIAL BUSINESS!!

http://www.blepharospasm.org/

Article:
http://soulofthecities.net/2009/07/dont-even-think-about-it/
My comment:
http://soulofthecities.net/2009/07/dont-even-think-about-it/#comment-174

It was interesting because in expressing my confusion and dislike of this "thinking is unreal" concept, I ended up stumbling on a totally cool point. Everything is real, and interconnected. All aspects of your experiences are not only valid, not only real, but are DIVINE! The more aware you are of their interconnectedness, the more you can gain from that experience.

That also connects to another article in this website.

http://soulofthecities.net/2009/07/global-thinking/

"Thinking is three-dimensional. The more places you can stand and look at a situation, problem or relationship, the more you can see. Additional perspectives give additional insight, and additional insight promotes more creative problem solving. One could speculate that we actually become more brilliant by developing our passions."

Hey sorry I've kinda been MIA lately.
Not being in Masakarasu has given me a lot more freedom and I kind of enjoy it.

Kinda like being released from something that has been keeping you in place for a long time.
I really did enjoy being in MK though, but it is like being in school you know? It's great in A LOT of ways but also kind of holds you back, it all depends on the situation.
I have come to realize that it did kind of hold me back and I held onto it too. I'm glad this happened, in the end. I never would've been able to let go of MK on my own, even though I know I needed to at some point.

Anyway, I moved across to the other side of Tokyo and we don't have internet yet, and probably wont have it for a month or so. Japan is fucking crazy sometimes, guys. I'm not gonna lie. Trying to set up internet service is FUCKED UP. Even Mimu is pissed about it - Korea is further behind Tokyo in a lot of ways in general and they are probably better at hooking you up with internet than the US is!

GOD guys, seriously!

Anyway, I'll try to post pictures when I can. I just LOVE the new place. It is really a HOME, man. Like it's big and spacious and there is like definite space for real furniture and just stuff! Like we're gonna get a dining table, and I can already tell that at some point we'll probably have a cupboard or something next to the fridge maybe... and then tehre is room in the main room for another bookshelf and a desk, and it would probably be neat to have something near the entrance to put a phone on.

It's funny because I've never sat down in a house and thought of those things before, because I've never had a very spacious place before. I mean, for nearly two years I lived in a guest house guys, with dorm-style rooms. So my private living space was the size of a Japanese futon, with whatever space I could claim around it. The nice thing is that the bunk beds were custom made by the owner himself, and he made them keeping the idea of personal space in mind, so he made the bunk beds have enough space to actually like sit up and do things in them. So like I had a desk/table and racks and hooks and stuff all over because that little space was my room.

But now like we have a nice big room, and it has like a big L-shaped area around it with room for lots of stuff... and STILL room to move around without having to put said stuff away.

OH OH OH

and a big balcony that's open to the sky and faces south so lots of sunshine!
AND access to the rooftop from which you can see MOUNTAINS on a clear day 8DDDDDD

like 40 million co-ops and a uniqlo and frickin' welcia drugstore (千葉県田舎ものなつかしー！！！) and the other side of Kanda River (because I just moved from a place that was near the end of that river!) and stuff and stuff and OMG

DUDE

THERE IS A FARM FIELD on the path to work, which goes through a forest! Like.. it's completely in the middle of this urban/suburban area, but it's like really refreshing and nice! I SAW THE WEIRDEST WORM THING IN THERE THE OTHER DAY!!! Mimu said it was a プララリア? OMG ok Planarian. I'd never seen one in my life before
http://georgiafaces.caes.uga.edu/graphicsfiles/LandPlanarian33lr.jpg
But it was probably over a meter long, I am NOT KIDDING. It was this SUPER LONG skinny flat worm with a weird hammer-shaped head. ALIENS


ALIENS!!

Ok, time for me to go home ♥

PS - I went to see an angel therapist (psychic, angel reader, healer, whatever) and she was really good, it was funny because I am pretty psychic myself, just not concentrating on that in my life, so we were like sitting facing each other but I could hear some of the things she was about to tell me before she'd say it, becuase she was tleling me what my angels were saying, and I could hear them too.

One time I asked a question and the answer was like "Becuase you didn't really want it deep down" and I looked at her, then I looked up and behind her and was like "What the hell are you guys saying? Yes I did, you know I did, you think you can fool me? XD" and she was like "O___O I'm only saying what they say" and I laughed, I was like "I know, that's why I am talking up. I'm talking to them not you XD" and she laughed because as we were talking she was like "Now they're like arguing amongst themselves!"

I have serious business angels, and rockstar punkass angels, and naturally they disagree on some things XD

But yeah, I'll have to write more about that later. I might friends lock it :( I might just not post it and just tell people in chat or something. Some of it is stuff that I don't feel comfortable talking about here for various reasons EVEN THOUGH I WISH I COULD FREEDOM!!! FREEDOMMMMM

ok going for real now, byee ♥

For your reference: http://www.neatorama.com/2006/10/09/cockroach-as-living-jewelry/

1. It's a big ugly cockroach!?

2. The cockroach has glue and plastic shit on it. Poor cockroach!

3. The effeminate dude has a cockroach on his hand! Poor queen!

4. In the left picture, that cockroach totally has a rod sticking into it or it is on a leash or something. WTF?

I think I must be a little retarded.
If I look back on my childhood I realize I was really strange.
And even now like I can't really do two things at once, I can't read and listen to someone, I can't even hear someone talking to me while I'm chatting or doing something on the computer, and if I'm on the phone I can't do anything on the computer either.
I can walk and do stuff at the same time, but sometimes I can't do that either.

Also at work, if someone gives me a task, I often feel confused and ask a bunch of questions to make sure I have it all right. People have told me that the questions are often really simple questions that anyone would just figure out on their own. But then when I decide to think for myself and do things how I would do it, I end up getting it all wrong.

THen again there are LOTS of situations where things are VERY EASY TO UNDERSTAND for me, or I figure the solution out right away, and no one else seems ot get it even if I try to explain it several times in several different ways. This also may suggest that I have a problem communicating, I think that I might because I STILL have problems getting my thoughts across in Japanese...

then again I don't have a problem at all with some people. Usually guys.
Actually yeah, I never have any problem talking to guys, wtf! Or sort of laid-back tomboyish girls.

Can someone tell me what's wrong here? XD

Well, this could've been more encouraging （°Д°||）

http://www.eslteachersboard.com/cgi-bin/humor/index.pl?read=147

waaaaaaaaaa

we're moving!! waaaaa

ぅわ〜〜〜〜〜〜

引っ越しするゼ！
わ〜〜〜〜〜

う〜れ〜し〜い〜
☆☆☆━━ヽ(･∀･)ﾉ━(∀･ﾉ)━(･ﾉ )━ヽ( )ﾉ━( ヽ･)━(ヽ･∀)━ヽ(･∀･)ﾉ━☆☆☆

you know what pisses me off?

no one ever goes "perfect!" or "great!" or "wow thanks, that really helped!" or anything here (in my company).
The only people who do are people who ask me for English help.

As if I can't do anything else but speak my mother tongue well (makes a retard face)

Ok sometimes they go "oh this is ok" or "oh okay this is good/this will do." but still



And another thing! I/we work fucking ALL DAY LONG. And then Japan is super special in that none of the banks, post office, or any other type of public important facility is open past 6pm. Grocery stores often close at like 8-10pm,


and for christ's sake, the ATMs close too. Machines that are meant to be working when you can't get to a bank, close at inconvenient times as well.

and then they open at 10am or something......

Why this sucks? Because you work at the same hours - from 11am to 8 or 9 pm, with hour-long commutes. How the hell are you supposed to get anything done?! I do but it's always a big hassle and we're always tired. They do have 24-hour grocery stores but most of the close.

rant rant rant rant

私は嘘をつきません。

本当は最近ずっと悲しくて虚しいです。
どうしてもそれを抜けないみたいですね。

もちろん豆乳も大好きになったのも正直ですけど、
本当に胸が痛くて、毎日私と合わない仕事をするため暗い事務所にずっと閉じ込まれていて
9時間ずっと外出なくて、空気も太陽も珍しい奇跡になったように外出たらなんか不思議な感じがします。
去年の3月からはずっとそうでした。
こんな生活なんて。。

どうして私は就職してもよく見つけれないんでしょう
いいところ見つけたと思ったとたん裏切られて、
私の世界、いや、私の現実は奪われてしまったような気持ちでした。
逆さになって、歪な日々。

心の中は暗くて、もう沈黙になってしまいました。

その沈黙と向き合って、答えをずっと待っているみたいです。

私は自分を助けることができぬ、ずっと待っています。
いつもみんなを導いて上げた私はもう、行き先も、その着地まで辿り着く行き方も、
分からなくなってしまいました。

この台詞も、読んでくれる人もいないでしょう。読んで理解してくれる人

excuse me while I take a moment to wipe my tears again and sigh...

ginger soy milk (OMG!)


生姜大豆 (しょうがだいず)

さよう

「さよう」というのは「そう」「そのまま」と同意味。
だから「そうです」という表現は、敬語（？）だと「さようでございます」。

に従って

「さようなら」も「そのままならば」というような感じだと思う。

なんかいいお別れの挨拶じゃない？
「あなたはそのままでいて」

sayou

"sayou" has the same meaning as "sou" or "sonomama" in Japanese.
So "that is so (sou desu)" is "sayou de gozaimasu" in humble-tense Japanese.

Following that we have, "Sayonara"

I feel that "sayounara" is like "sono mama naraba (may it be the way you are..)"

What a nice parting phrase, you know?

"be the way you are"

I don't understand twitter.

at all.

you can just effing text people, or write in a blog. (someone explain why twitter is necessary?)

according to some study, 90% of the entries in twitter are written by 10% of the users.

Meaning the vast majority of people sign up, maybe post one entry, and don't ever post anything else.





like me XD

I originally wrote this on my cellphone and sent it to ko_miyavi_3500 and to myself, so now I'm sharing it with all of you. It's a little healing message.

I just thought that there is so much going on in the world that we cannot even see or cannot possible be aware of or understand. It is incomprehensible. We are all a part of a bigger picture and the world takes care of itself magnificently, even if we can't see it, even if it doesn't seem like it does. It really does in miraculous ways. So it'll be all right. It'd be wise to ride above the waves calmly and go with the flow of the world because our time will come too.

See the story below ^__^

Saturday, I spent the day riding my bike up to my hometown #2 in Japan, Asakusa, and sat on the bank of Sumida River watching the water slosh up stray jellyfish from the bay and watching different people go by. I ate a sandwich and fed what I couldn't finish to a lonely, scrappy pigeon toddling my way. I took off my headphones to listen to the waves and noticed some pet dogs licking up whatever mess of the sandwich the pigeon left, one after another as different people came by with them on little jingling leashes and pondered at how the word takes care of itself so well. There is so much going on in the span of just a few moments that no wonder people stress out about things in their lives - it is nearly impossible to constantly be aware of all that happens around us at once.

Watching the jellyfish - some already dead - fight a futile battle against the crashing waves of the river a little melodious gift from Judy and Mary echoes in my heart:

変わって行く私も、変わっていく景色も、いたずらに時をすべって、もし生まれ変わった違う私でも、永遠に銀河の風に吹かれて。
(reading: kawatteyuku watashi mo, kawatteiku keshiki mo, itazura ni toki wo subette, moshi umarekawatta chigau watashi de mo, eien ni ginga no kaze ni fukarete)
(English: Even as I change and as the scenery changes on, we slide past time mischievously, and even if I were reborn a different me, I will be blown by the winds of the Milky Way.)

The meaning of the somewhat vague lyrics suddenly struck a clear chord with how I was feeling about my own experiences and the world around me. 銀河の風に吹かれて, being blown by the winds of the Milky Way, to me, meant that no matter what goes on we are a part of a bigger picture.

So yesterday I felt tired, just tired from everything.
Sick of waiting, sick of trying, sick of dreaming,

I felt like ok, maybe it's time to just let this go. Maybe holding onto all this stuff is keeping me from growing in new directions.

But even if I try to think about it there isn't anything I'd rather be doing in my life at this point so then I just got sad.

Then like a huge force of energy smacked me in the head and I heard these words

"If you were you right now, what would you do in the face of this?"

or as ko_miyavi_3500 put it, look at all situations as if they are a mirror for you to look in, and further define who you are in respect to what you are experiencing. The point of all these experiences is not to learn something, but as Miyavi himself says, to decide what YOU want to be in this situation. You get to choose what kind of role you play in the situation - you're the boss of that. I choose to be me, in all situations. Therefore,


"I am a girl who never gives up on her dreams, so the answer is easy. 'I will not give up after all.'"

"Do you like cake?" -Marianne

Dreams are just dreams.

I'm sick of this game of bait that's held just slightly out of reach. Even if I really have caught it someone bats it out of my hands.

I had a nice long dream but I think I just need to rest for a while.. maybe a lifetime.
長い夢を見てた、蛍が疲れた羽根拡げ休めてる。

I'm not mad or sad or anything just tired.

I have been forced to retire from Masa Karasu, and I think I should just retire from it all in general.
I think this is my reluctant acceptance of entering that gray adult life I have always felt at odds with.

There is only one thing that can save me now.



Ok, I lied. Two


それにしても
馬鹿な夢を見てたね。
彼が言った通りもう一つ
「馬鹿げてる」
ただ、私は止められるから。。

---

青い涙
Judy and mary

忘れかけてた遠い記憶
風がかき乱すように流れ去る透明のあなたの夢を見ていた

夜空に浮かぶ氷の月は爪先から震え出して
限りなく白い雪のジオラマになる

口には出せない
恋をしていたね
たくさんの嘘はいつか誰かを傷つけたの

青い涙が胸に伝い
虚ろな人見は崩されて
伝えられないあの冬のThe New Fallen Snow

口には出せない
恋をしているね
たくさんの嘘はあの人をいつ壊して

忘れかけてた遠い記憶
風がかき乱すように流れ去る透明のあなたの夢を見ていた

限りなく白い雪のジオラマになる
空が割れて
光が射しても
２人過ごした最後の夜は

忘れられない
あの冬のThe New Fallen Snow

This is mean and un-fanlike of me...
But SOMEONE needs to do it.


( Discussion concerning Miyavi's logo )


the conversation kind of drifted off from there...

Sorry but Miyavi, this isn't a logo. This is a coat of arms with a samba festival.



And it looks like my tarot cards were invited too.

I think he needs an art director >_>;